All the while I saw something whose existence I doubted - it appeared a bit different than normal. Nevertheless I kept looking at it from a distance as it was apparently very beautiful and enticing. I lured myself into hoping that it would turn out to be a reality (or, become one if it were not) as I approached it in due course of time. As I approached it I found it vanishing from my sight. I found it wasn't real. It did upset a bit. Afterall you don't spend all your effort and time and dreams and wishful hopes on something that does not exist!
But I needn't complain. For, I was not sure ever whether it existed or not. And I am not even sorry for what happened. I can feel the difference that this experience has made to me - a difference not easy to put in words, suffice it to say that it is positive.
Now that the upset mood slowly subsides, I think about it and I realize that I was unsure about how I would have handled it, had it been real! I now feel that pursuing it isn't my cup of tea. I feel so at least for now. But I hope that that changes soon. For, I am the quintessential optimist. "I would risk hurting myself a 100 times by trying to find it and failing rather than losing it by not at all going for it".
-- Deep G. :-)